So after taking some advice from various people I opted to keep it simple and just put down simply what I felt my mum needed to know. It won't win any awards for style or wit but here it is. I'll be putting it in the post on Monday,so any suggestions welcome.
Writing this letter hasn’t been easy and I wish I knew an easier way of saying this, but I think all I can do is come straight out and say it.
I’m gay. I’ve known I’ve been attracted to women for years now, since I was 15 in fact. I’d hoped that this was a phase that I would grow out of, but in fact as I’ve gotten older it’s become more and more clear that this wasn’t something that was going to go away. I didn’t feel a need to worry about telling you about this, because in the past I still felt attracted to men, and as you know most of my major relationships were with men.
Over time though I’d noticed that my feelings were changing and being with Elliott confirmed that I couldn’t be with a man anymore. Elliott was in the processing of transitioning from female to male, and while he had been taking testosterone for years and passed as a man (I very much doubt Catherine or Dad noticed anything unusual about him when they met him) he was pre-operative when we were together. As the dates of his chest surgery got nearer I realised that I had been attracted to and fallen in love with all the ‘wrong’ parts of him. The masculine features he was developing were leaving me feeling disgusted, and I knew I couldn’t support him through this as his girlfriend anymore. Despite us being together for nearly a year, and still loving him I had to end it and I knew that I was no longer attracted to men at all physically.
I’ve been seeing a woman for a few months now and things are going well. I was sure before we met of who I was, but being with her has made me glad to have been brave and making this step.
I appreciate this may all comes as a bit of a shock, and I don’t expect you to welcome this news. I can assure that I am certain about this, and this really isn’t something which is going to change. If it helps at all I now feel so much happier to be able to acknowledge this to myself and to stop pretending. Feeling like I’m lying and constantly having to cover this up from you and dad has been really stressful, and I knew I didn’t want to have to continue all of this deception.
While I’m not sorry about who I am I’m sad that I haven’t been able to be the kind of daughter that you had in mind. I know it wasn’t easy for you when Catherine came out to you. I’m also sorry that I’ve not said this to you face to face, but I knew it was important that I put all my thoughts down in a way where I can make myself clear. I’m off work this Friday and Saturday and I’d be happy to get the train down to see you on Thursday evening to talk things through more. I’d understand if you’d prefer it if I didn’t but if you could please just let me know.
I don’t expect you to be happy about this news but please remember that really not a lot (except for me a bit more honest) has changed.
Hopefully see you soon; please ring when you get this.
Lots of love,