Dec. 6th, 2010

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(Names have been concealed to protect the wicked and wayward)

It’s fair to say De Brett’s doesn’t provide you with the received etiquette for public social occasions with your girlfriend and her husband. I’ve already eschewed asking if I can bring a plus one to a solstice dinner party (as my plus one has a plus one of her own). Christmas is a time for giving and sharing, but depriving your pals of their second helping of paxo for the sake of poly harmony seems a little much to ask.

By and large I’ve managed to avoid being on the sharp end of ignorance and judgement. Yes I have an understanding and (I shudder to type) ‘alternative’ social circle, but by and large I’ve avoided unpleasantness through a kind of don’t ask don’t tell policy. It’s sometimes frustrating being unable to enthuse about how good it feels to be plodding through a ho-hum working day a little more easily knowing that evening you’ll be Lindy hopping with your new squeeze’s husband. Inevitably should we ever encounter problems then monogamous friends and family will blame this entirely on our dynamic. The idea that relationships can be fluid and change shape over time to suit people’s changing needs is evidently too much for some people to comprehend if those changes include sleeping with people other than your spouse.

I’m more saddened for the straight rule-following world than I am for myself. Most people know how good it feels to be going through the honeymoon period of a new relationship. After all the neurotic gnashing of teeth and pain that went with splitting from my husbear and coming over to the dyke side I’ve stumbled upon A. I’m undeservedly lucky to be with such a gorgeous creature, in so many senses. I can’t imagine tiring of waking up next to those blue eyes and tell-tale tousled hair, her legs that go on for days, and the soft blissful curve of her hips. She has the whole package of beauty, intelligence, thoughtfulness and more than a little geekishness. I’ve found the marmite to my hot buttered toast. The husband-shaped part of the package could add to and strengthen what we have, not take away.

The most obvious benefits have included so far:
-Further excuse to break out of my cooking-for-one slobbish routine.
-A willing volunteer to polish off my attempts at custard.
-Automatically having common ground
-DIY skills
-Freedom to be myself and not feel I ought to be A’s everything.
-Having a kink conspirator.
-Gaining family (of the amiable drinking buddy variety).

Letting go of my white picket fenced dreams of how my life was going to pan out has been hard. Like any relationships I’m certain there’ll be uncertain, painful and boring times ahead. Not shouting about it from the highest hills or being seen as the ‘other woman’ is tiresome, but right now I wouldn’t want to swap.

Should the day ever arrive where I can truly reveal all to my folks about my life I want it to be written on the back of one of these:,346973643?utm_medium=cp_social&utm_source=addthis&utm_campaign=PDP


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October 2014


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