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[personal profile] bona_fide_bletherings
"I packed my things went into town (one ear up one ear down)
To take a little look around (one ear up one ear down)
I was looking for a home,
a family to call my own
I was lost but now am found
One ear up, one ear down"

A Dickensian Miss Havisham has given way to a Fforde-Havisham, who has pulled herself up by her (shined) boot straps. Schmooze and flooze settings are on 'stun' level as an old friend used to say. To move forward you have to engage with what you have to have, and to form connections with others you need a fairly solid connection with yourself. Hence why since November's split I've been happily reconnecting with my inner weird; the rather solitary soundtrack to my attitudes to love, sex, and overly enthusiastic views on how life should be, Neil Hannon.  

            The Dogs in Distress charity album that came out just before Christmas perfectly captured my self image of a battered, rather forlorn soul, staying determined to keep on a quest for love and home. These life-affirming mental images stayed firmly contained between my headphoned ears. Like the soaring unrepentent camp joy of A Short Album about Love, the knowingly suggestive Casanova or the unrestrained enthusiastic geekishness of Promenade, The Divine Comedy has never been something I've felt comfortable telling people I enjoy.* His music like no-one else's has given that sense of 'Yes! Somewhere out there, there's a guy who's just as much of an eccentricly earnest quiet extrovert as me.' Someone who cares about what's important and is so unafraid of appearing uncool, they are insanely cool.  Someone who exultantly asks 'And when we die oh will we that dissapointed or sad if heaven doesn't exist? What will we have missed? This life is the best we've ever had' and can package up all the thoughts and feelings of being in love in a single clause-laden line of 'When you're with me, I can't help but be so totally quite uncontrollably happy' turning the stumbling thoughts of a neurotic into something profound. 

                And it would appear that I've gushed my geekery all over you. Time to calm down.

                There was a phase in my life when 'It's all becoming more like Alfie' was a polite euphemism for 'On a serious slutting campaign' which needs reviving at the moment. Current dalliances do seem to show that I rarely seem to get the balance right between flinging open the door and holding it slammed shut.

*A and I were together nearly a year before I allowed her anywhere near the CD folder.
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October 2014


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